It was all going so well! I was on the IVs, getting chubs from the steroids, getting my energy back, my life back then boooooom I get a "cold". Last Sunday I just came down with it and felt so rough. Colds are never fun, but you just have to get through them. So I rested as much as I could.. in between dogs and food shopping, running errands etc but just kept getting worse. I knew I had my end of IVs appointment on the Friday so I didn't need to wait long until I could see a doc and check I was OK. By Wednesday I was cancelling dogs and trying to find someone to drive me to the hospital as I just didn't have the energy. Thursday was just as much of a struggle and Alex and I ended up sleeping downstairs so I didn't have to tackle the stairs whenever I needed the loo in the night.
Friday came and I was sooo ready to see Dr Orchard! I couldn't walk more than a few metres without stopping, couldn't get my breath at all, constantly hunched over and just not at all anywhere near myself. I can honestly say this is the worst I have ever felt in my life. All over a bloody cold!
I was so so soooooo lucky to have quite a few offers from such kind people to take me to the hospital. I am eternally grateful for them <3 My aunty Linda, who lives quite close to Frimley Park Hospital, collected me at about 7.30am and drove me there. We slowly slowly....slooooowly (haha) made our way into the hospital and they pretty much instantly offered me oxygen, which has never happened before so I must have looked a bit peaky to say the least lol. I said that I was ok and we checked my sats and everything and I wasn't doing too bad. I did my weight, which had gone up, and my lung function, which had obviously gone down. Right down to 35%, my lowest I've been. Emy came in to pre-warn me that it was likely I was staying in. Of course I was upset and she asked "what did you think we would say"? And I said that I thought they'd say that as it's a cold they can't do much for it and I'd just have to ride it out. Haha looking back that was quite naive of me!
Dr Orchard came in to see me and agreed I needed to stay in 100%. He thinks I have the flu not just a cold so we did some swabs to send off and he started me on flu meds. I had my bloods and port re-accessed and then as they needed to move a non-CF patient to another ward and prepare a room for me, Linda and I went back to hers for lunch and chill before they called me back.
It's always lovely to go to aunty Linda's, she has the most beautiful garden you will ever see and her house is so homely. I took up my favourite place on their marshmallow sofa and didn't move until the hosp called me a few hours later.
I went back and we settled into my room. Sweetie, one of the nurses decided to start me on some oxygen and omg did it make a difference! Within half an hour I could sit up more straightly, I could talk a few sentences without getting out of breath, I was more awake.... it was such a relief. It's the first time I've needed it other than being on an airplane and it's so helpful just to get a bit of rest from gasping for air the whole time.
Linda was an absolute angel yesterday, she was with me for a full 12 hours. Supporting me, driving me, feeding me, holding my hand, comforting me, laughing with me, entertaining me, educating me haha! She's a wonderful aunty and I'm so lucky to have such a loving, caring family <3
My mum, dad, brother and sister came up in the evening and we laughed all eve. I think my dad is the funniest person in the world and he always cracks me up! I have to tell him to stop otherwise I have such a coughing fit from laughing lol- the best physio there is though!
I have had to cancel all my plans obvs, which means I'm going to miss my cousin and another of my aunties in their theatre production today :( Absolutely gutted! Break a leg girls, you'll have to give me a rendition when I next see you. My brother's new girlfriend is taking my place though, and to be honest, I think they're more excited to meet her than if I were going up hahahaa ;)
My Alex is coming up in the next couple of hours to be with me today <3 <3 <3
And finally, but absolutely by no means least (sorry this is a lengthy post), ANOTHER of my amazing family members needs a mention! My uncle Mark has just signed up for the Great North Run (13 miles) and is so kindly raising money for the Cystic Fibrosis Trust. He got the confirmation through last night and has set up his JustGiving page :) If anyone would like to donate, Mark, myself, my family and everyone else with CF would be ever so grateful. Mark has put a target of £200, but I want to smash through that target and help raise as much as possible. The link is below if you'd like to donate. He runs it in September, so expect a few months of annoying posts about it haha:
https://www.justgiving.com/Mark-Hashim
Until next time, xo
Saturday, 14 May 2016
Thursday, 5 May 2016
CF Awareness Month- it's not all doom and gloom!
May is Cystic Fibrosis Awareness month. So, I feel I simply must do an obligatory blog post! The usual awareness posts I see on social media are, more often than not, slightly negative ones. It's not all doom and gloom guys. Having CF- or any other illness, disease, life challenge, has it's perks; you just have to find them! Let's see if I can think of 10...
Number 1.
We get to eat as much chocolate, crisps, ice cream, milk, angel delight, chips, pizza, take aways.... as we want. The more the better.
Number 2.
We get to skip the airport queues and get one of those buggies all the way to the plane whilst everyone else walks for miles and miles.
Number 3.
Eventually, we will be entitled to a blue badge meaning wider parking spots (great for rubbish parkers like me) and sometimes free parking.
Number 4.
We could probably sit a medical exam and do pretty well, with the knowledge we pick up over our lives. We understand medical notes and terminology.
Number 5.
We make life long friends with other CF'ers. We understand each other like no one else can and can offer advice and reassurance.
Number 6.
We have a great excuse to sleep; anytime, anywhere, for however long!
Number 7.
We have a great party trick- taking 15+ tablets in one go.
Number 8.
A nurse from Brompton once said to me that CF'ers have the strongest relationships with their partners <3 (of course this is only her opinion, but I like it all the same!)
Number 9.
I can't speak for everyone, but I feel I have a great appreciation for life because of my CF. I feel I look at things slightly differently to other people my age.
Number 10.
We're just great! OK, I couldn't think of another one haha, but 9 is pretty good :D
So yes, CF may be a pain in the arse and we'd all LOVE a cure for this disease, but let's not dwell too much on that and take any positives we can. There's always someone much worse off than yourself. May is CF awareness month, so lets make people THINK about it, TALK about it, LEARN about it <3
Number 1.
We get to eat as much chocolate, crisps, ice cream, milk, angel delight, chips, pizza, take aways.... as we want. The more the better.
Number 2.
We get to skip the airport queues and get one of those buggies all the way to the plane whilst everyone else walks for miles and miles.
Number 3.
Eventually, we will be entitled to a blue badge meaning wider parking spots (great for rubbish parkers like me) and sometimes free parking.
Number 4.
We could probably sit a medical exam and do pretty well, with the knowledge we pick up over our lives. We understand medical notes and terminology.
Number 5.
We make life long friends with other CF'ers. We understand each other like no one else can and can offer advice and reassurance.
Number 6.
We have a great excuse to sleep; anytime, anywhere, for however long!
Number 7.
We have a great party trick- taking 15+ tablets in one go.
Number 8.
A nurse from Brompton once said to me that CF'ers have the strongest relationships with their partners <3 (of course this is only her opinion, but I like it all the same!)
Number 9.
I can't speak for everyone, but I feel I have a great appreciation for life because of my CF. I feel I look at things slightly differently to other people my age.
Number 10.
We're just great! OK, I couldn't think of another one haha, but 9 is pretty good :D
So yes, CF may be a pain in the arse and we'd all LOVE a cure for this disease, but let's not dwell too much on that and take any positives we can. There's always someone much worse off than yourself. May is CF awareness month, so lets make people THINK about it, TALK about it, LEARN about it <3
Thursday, 28 April 2016
I feel like I'm on drugs
I feel like I'm on drugs. Well I am.
I had my appointment on Tuesday. Alex was with me and we saw all the usual people. My weight was 50.6KG, quite similar to the last time I was there. My lung function was FEV1 41%, FVC 79%, down from last time. I was expecting to go onto oral antibiotics and maybe have a little boost from that, then in another month or so's time go onto IVs. However, when I saw Dr Orchard he was determined to get me better asap. Back in Jan '16, my lung function was great and increasing well. Then I had a dip and the IVs I was on back then didn't really seem to do anything. It showed in my end of IVs lung function as it hadn't gone up at all. Dr Orchard wasn't in on that day though, so I couldn't carry on with IVs and just came off them to see how I'd do.
This time though, he suggested I take 2 new IVs, oral antibiotics and steroids. I agreed that I felt like I needed the steroids, I'd felt so inflamed the last few days. I've never been on this much strong meds. It's probably not even that much compared to what people who are really ill are on, but for me it's a lot lol!
Today is my second full day of taking all these meds. I am very much feeling like I am on drugs! My tongue and lips are tingly and a bit numb and I just feel very spaced out and as if I'm not really here haha. It's strange and hard to describe. I called the hosp this morning as I just wanted to check that I'm not having a bad reaction to the drugs. They reassured me that this was quite normal for the drugs that I'm on. They did say that if the feelings are too much for me that they can always lower my dose, but I want to try and stick it out as I really want to get the most out of this course of IVs, orals and steroids and give myself a huge boost that hopefully will last all summer long! :D
Perhaps in a couple of days my body will start to get used to it and I won't notice these side effects so much. I've cut down my dogs to one a day, trying not to do more than 4 days, but it's so hard to say no lol. Also, for the moment I don't want to do too much driving, at least until I'm feeling more myself again.
Until next time! xo
I had my appointment on Tuesday. Alex was with me and we saw all the usual people. My weight was 50.6KG, quite similar to the last time I was there. My lung function was FEV1 41%, FVC 79%, down from last time. I was expecting to go onto oral antibiotics and maybe have a little boost from that, then in another month or so's time go onto IVs. However, when I saw Dr Orchard he was determined to get me better asap. Back in Jan '16, my lung function was great and increasing well. Then I had a dip and the IVs I was on back then didn't really seem to do anything. It showed in my end of IVs lung function as it hadn't gone up at all. Dr Orchard wasn't in on that day though, so I couldn't carry on with IVs and just came off them to see how I'd do.
This time though, he suggested I take 2 new IVs, oral antibiotics and steroids. I agreed that I felt like I needed the steroids, I'd felt so inflamed the last few days. I've never been on this much strong meds. It's probably not even that much compared to what people who are really ill are on, but for me it's a lot lol!
Today is my second full day of taking all these meds. I am very much feeling like I am on drugs! My tongue and lips are tingly and a bit numb and I just feel very spaced out and as if I'm not really here haha. It's strange and hard to describe. I called the hosp this morning as I just wanted to check that I'm not having a bad reaction to the drugs. They reassured me that this was quite normal for the drugs that I'm on. They did say that if the feelings are too much for me that they can always lower my dose, but I want to try and stick it out as I really want to get the most out of this course of IVs, orals and steroids and give myself a huge boost that hopefully will last all summer long! :D
Perhaps in a couple of days my body will start to get used to it and I won't notice these side effects so much. I've cut down my dogs to one a day, trying not to do more than 4 days, but it's so hard to say no lol. Also, for the moment I don't want to do too much driving, at least until I'm feeling more myself again.
Until next time! xo
Saturday, 23 April 2016
Late night post
I've been meaning to blog for a while, but life's been so busy- a good thing! Usually means I'm doing well. When I get...MAKE time to sit in bed with my laptop for a good few hours it's usually a bad sign health wise. So yeah, I'm needing time to rest at the moment; chest is bad, appetite and energy have gone, sleeping loads, arthritis is flaring up and getting a lot of pressure headaches from the coughing. Not too bad though as I've only been like this for 3 days and I have a hosp appointment on Tuesday so I should be able to nip it in the bud with some meds.
So I wanted to update on the trial. I've been doing it for about 6 or 7 weeks now. There's a lot of positives and a couple of negatives, I have found. A positive is that it only takes about 5 minutes a day to complete the app requirements- weight, sats, lung function, how well you feel, how your cough is, sputum sample and register your activity. So even with a hectic schedule, patients should be able to fit it into their days. Another positive is that with the activity monitor- the FitBit/pedometer type thing, I have found myself a lot more aware of exercising and pushing myself more. On the face of the "watch" is a series of dots. As you do more exercise throughout the day the dots increase round the clock face. If you manage to get all 12 dots completed it does a little celebration pattern haha. I think each dot represents 1000 steps. I'm not entirely sure how accurate it is though. I wear mine on my wrist and if I'm grooming that day (imagine brushing a dog with the arm it's on), it says I've done loads of exercise. I can't complain, it makes me feel good haha. I'm sure if I wore it on my ankle though, on those grooming days it may say I've done very little exercise.
One of the biggest negatives I have found is that if all my readings that the app requires are low, it makes me feel crap and down in my mood the whole day. I originally did everything in the morning; my weight, O2 levels, lung function were all very low for me and I was worrying that I was ill and I kept worrying all day about it. It doesn't put you in the best of moods when your lung function is in the 30's % when you'd expect it to be in the high 50's straight after IVs! So I decided to try doing everything in the evenings just before bed. Again, sometimes readings are low but I put it down to tiredness at the end of the day. However, mainly they aren't too bad and I don't feel quite so worried. Also, I must remember that the equipment I've been given is unlikely to be as accurate as what the hospital has. I will be mentioning this with the research team though, as if a patient has anxiety or possibly a mental health illness, this could bring them down a lot if every day they are seeing their readings a lot lower than they had hoped or anticipated. This type of testing daily may not work for them.
One last thing that I will mention to the research team will be the weighing. Daily weighing, I have found, seems to fluctuate so much. I know at different times of the day we weigh different amounts and things, so possibly weighing once a week at the same time on the same day would be more beneficial. Then you could get a clearer idea of what your weight is doing.
So about 4 and a half months to go :)
I've made the most of this last well patch: seeing loads of friends, having family sleepovers, celebrating my brothers birthday, had my annual night out haha (only have the energy for 1 a year these days lol!), grooming doggies... Now just a little recovery sesh before summer begins! Lots to look forward to :D My first ladies day, my 3rd wedding anniversary, my parent's 25th wedding anniversary, a family holiday and lots of birthdays!
Until next time
xoxo
So I wanted to update on the trial. I've been doing it for about 6 or 7 weeks now. There's a lot of positives and a couple of negatives, I have found. A positive is that it only takes about 5 minutes a day to complete the app requirements- weight, sats, lung function, how well you feel, how your cough is, sputum sample and register your activity. So even with a hectic schedule, patients should be able to fit it into their days. Another positive is that with the activity monitor- the FitBit/pedometer type thing, I have found myself a lot more aware of exercising and pushing myself more. On the face of the "watch" is a series of dots. As you do more exercise throughout the day the dots increase round the clock face. If you manage to get all 12 dots completed it does a little celebration pattern haha. I think each dot represents 1000 steps. I'm not entirely sure how accurate it is though. I wear mine on my wrist and if I'm grooming that day (imagine brushing a dog with the arm it's on), it says I've done loads of exercise. I can't complain, it makes me feel good haha. I'm sure if I wore it on my ankle though, on those grooming days it may say I've done very little exercise.
The "watch" face- ignore my face it was bedtime!
One of the biggest negatives I have found is that if all my readings that the app requires are low, it makes me feel crap and down in my mood the whole day. I originally did everything in the morning; my weight, O2 levels, lung function were all very low for me and I was worrying that I was ill and I kept worrying all day about it. It doesn't put you in the best of moods when your lung function is in the 30's % when you'd expect it to be in the high 50's straight after IVs! So I decided to try doing everything in the evenings just before bed. Again, sometimes readings are low but I put it down to tiredness at the end of the day. However, mainly they aren't too bad and I don't feel quite so worried. Also, I must remember that the equipment I've been given is unlikely to be as accurate as what the hospital has. I will be mentioning this with the research team though, as if a patient has anxiety or possibly a mental health illness, this could bring them down a lot if every day they are seeing their readings a lot lower than they had hoped or anticipated. This type of testing daily may not work for them.
One last thing that I will mention to the research team will be the weighing. Daily weighing, I have found, seems to fluctuate so much. I know at different times of the day we weigh different amounts and things, so possibly weighing once a week at the same time on the same day would be more beneficial. Then you could get a clearer idea of what your weight is doing.
So about 4 and a half months to go :)
I've made the most of this last well patch: seeing loads of friends, having family sleepovers, celebrating my brothers birthday, had my annual night out haha (only have the energy for 1 a year these days lol!), grooming doggies... Now just a little recovery sesh before summer begins! Lots to look forward to :D My first ladies day, my 3rd wedding anniversary, my parent's 25th wedding anniversary, a family holiday and lots of birthdays!
Until next time
xoxo
Wednesday, 9 March 2016
The trial begins
Yesterday was the end of my 2 week course of IVs. I feel a lot better in myself- more energy, sleeping better, coughing less, more of an appetite etc etc. My lovely friend Donna from belly dancing took me to my hosp appointment to check lung function, weight, have a blood test, take out port needle, get nebuliser meds and start the trial.
Disappointingly, my lung function hadn't shifted at all. Not even 1% up! After two weeks of IVs and all the physio and resting I'd been doing, don't get why it hadn't moved. The consultant wasn't available to see me though, so I couldn't try any other meds or anything so I had to have the needle taken out and see how I get on at home. Hopefully I can get it up through exercise. If not though, they said to just call up and they will get me an appointment.
In my last post, I spoke about a trial involving a smartphone app and recording data to try and keep patients out of hosp and notice if they need treatments earlier on before the symptoms get worse. I started this trial this morning after receiving all the equipment yesterday at the appointment. All the gadgets are quite fun to use and it's so clever how the app just picks up all the data. It's very straight forward for me as the patient. I need to do my weight, lung function, 02 and heart rate levels, activity level, give a score out of 10 of how I'm feeling and how my cough is and give a sample everyday for 6 months. I hope at the end of this my data is useful for the researchers and they can put this app in place for all CF patients- and maybe patients with other conditions. I'm sure this is the way forward!
Here are some pics of the gadgets. Just waiting for my freezer to arrive. I get to keep all the equipment after the trial finishes- including the freezer haha.
Disappointingly, my lung function hadn't shifted at all. Not even 1% up! After two weeks of IVs and all the physio and resting I'd been doing, don't get why it hadn't moved. The consultant wasn't available to see me though, so I couldn't try any other meds or anything so I had to have the needle taken out and see how I get on at home. Hopefully I can get it up through exercise. If not though, they said to just call up and they will get me an appointment.
In my last post, I spoke about a trial involving a smartphone app and recording data to try and keep patients out of hosp and notice if they need treatments earlier on before the symptoms get worse. I started this trial this morning after receiving all the equipment yesterday at the appointment. All the gadgets are quite fun to use and it's so clever how the app just picks up all the data. It's very straight forward for me as the patient. I need to do my weight, lung function, 02 and heart rate levels, activity level, give a score out of 10 of how I'm feeling and how my cough is and give a sample everyday for 6 months. I hope at the end of this my data is useful for the researchers and they can put this app in place for all CF patients- and maybe patients with other conditions. I'm sure this is the way forward!
Here are some pics of the gadgets. Just waiting for my freezer to arrive. I get to keep all the equipment after the trial finishes- including the freezer haha.
Rucksack to keep everything in
02 and heart monitor:
The top number is the % of oxygen in the blood. 100% is the best- most healthy people sit at 99-100%. The bottom number is heart rate. A healthy resting heart rate is between 60 and 100 beats per minute.
The top number is the % of oxygen in the blood. 100% is the best- most healthy people sit at 99-100%. The bottom number is heart rate. A healthy resting heart rate is between 60 and 100 beats per minute.
Phone and the app:
Once I've done each part, the right part turns green
Once I've done each part, the right part turns green
FitBit type thing:
Looks like I'm on tag haha. I press the centre and it tells me how much of the recommended daily exercise I have done for the day. I think it's pretty much a pedometer.
Mini lung function kit:
I blow into this machine as hard and fast as I can. after the first second or 2, I slow down and continue to breathe out until my lungs are empty.
Scales
So that's that!
Now to focus on exercising more and putting on weight to try and get these lungs better. Need to be well for summer. Can't wait :D
xo
Thursday, 25 February 2016
On the mend
A beautifully sunny morning will always improve your day.
Quick update from the last blog: the orals didn't do much for me this time so I asked for an appointment to see the doc and see if I can start some IVs. For some reason the clinic has been overly busy these past couple of months and I wasn't able to get a sooner app than what I already had booked in. Soooo, 5 weeks of being unwell has obviously had quite a knock on my health. My lung function has dropped by 15% to 43%, I have lost 2KG putting me at 50KG, sats have dropped to 92% and I just generally haven't been in a good state.
The good news is, I have finally started home IVs :D I'm on day 4 and I usually get worse before I get better, but I will soon be back to my usual self- busy, eating loads, managing grooming, housework, socialising.... Cannot wait!!!
The last few days I've been feeling so low. It's not like me. I can only put it down to that after a much longer than usual wait for some meds, my body is just so exhausted and I'm getting ratty because of that. My plan today is to just stay in bed and rest; hopefully that'll do me some good. Plus the sun is out, and that always makes me happy :) can't wait for summer!
I probably should reschedule all my grooming, but I just hate doing that. I hate letting people down, and I enjoy seeing the dogs. They're all good dogs that I have booked in though, so I reckon I'll be alright. Plus, I can always ask Alex or my sister to bath them- that's the most exhausting part.
When I went to hosp, I saw a poster about a new trial-type-thing. It's a bit different from the usual medicine trials. It's a smartphone based trial. The aim is to try and keep patients out of hosp for longer- always a good thing! So the patient will be given a smartphone, set of scales, mini lung function kit, mini sats and heart monitor kit, FitBit type thing, mini freezer and a cool bag. Everyday for 6 months you need to measure your weight, lung function, heart rate, 02 levels, activity levels and give a sputum sample and send it via bluetooth to the smartphone (take the samples to clinic when you go). This will upload onto the trial database place. The researchers are looking for patterns in patient's results to see if they can detect when they are going have an infection, before it takes hold. Therefore, starting treatment earlier and not spending so much time in hosp. So I've said I'm interested and hopefully can start this trial soon.
Will let you know how it goes!
xo
Quick update from the last blog: the orals didn't do much for me this time so I asked for an appointment to see the doc and see if I can start some IVs. For some reason the clinic has been overly busy these past couple of months and I wasn't able to get a sooner app than what I already had booked in. Soooo, 5 weeks of being unwell has obviously had quite a knock on my health. My lung function has dropped by 15% to 43%, I have lost 2KG putting me at 50KG, sats have dropped to 92% and I just generally haven't been in a good state.
The good news is, I have finally started home IVs :D I'm on day 4 and I usually get worse before I get better, but I will soon be back to my usual self- busy, eating loads, managing grooming, housework, socialising.... Cannot wait!!!
The last few days I've been feeling so low. It's not like me. I can only put it down to that after a much longer than usual wait for some meds, my body is just so exhausted and I'm getting ratty because of that. My plan today is to just stay in bed and rest; hopefully that'll do me some good. Plus the sun is out, and that always makes me happy :) can't wait for summer!
I probably should reschedule all my grooming, but I just hate doing that. I hate letting people down, and I enjoy seeing the dogs. They're all good dogs that I have booked in though, so I reckon I'll be alright. Plus, I can always ask Alex or my sister to bath them- that's the most exhausting part.
When I went to hosp, I saw a poster about a new trial-type-thing. It's a bit different from the usual medicine trials. It's a smartphone based trial. The aim is to try and keep patients out of hosp for longer- always a good thing! So the patient will be given a smartphone, set of scales, mini lung function kit, mini sats and heart monitor kit, FitBit type thing, mini freezer and a cool bag. Everyday for 6 months you need to measure your weight, lung function, heart rate, 02 levels, activity levels and give a sputum sample and send it via bluetooth to the smartphone (take the samples to clinic when you go). This will upload onto the trial database place. The researchers are looking for patterns in patient's results to see if they can detect when they are going have an infection, before it takes hold. Therefore, starting treatment earlier and not spending so much time in hosp. So I've said I'm interested and hopefully can start this trial soon.
Will let you know how it goes!
xo
Monday, 1 February 2016
Mind set.
Eurghhh, sick of being sick! I get so bored and there's always a million and one things I need/want to be doing but just can't. I started to get usual symptoms: loss of appetite, coughing more, sleeping more, exhaustion... So thought I'd rest up in bed for a few days and see if that healed me- it didn't. So last Friday I started some orals. I'm on day 3, so not much improvement yet.
When my health is down, my mood usually is too. I'm never really bothered about having CF most of the time; not really one of those "why me?!" type of people. I'd rather I had it than my brother or sister. During this weekend though, I felt a rare feeling of jealousy toward healthier people!
I went to my first grooming competition on Sunday. I was due to take part but had to pull out due to my health. I'm so grateful to my friend Justine who drove me all the way there and back to spectate instead. It was an amazing experience, we loved every second of it! But that evening I just felt frustrated. There were groomers there with years and years and years of experience, way more than me, and they have built an empire- one woman has 5 salons, one of my friends has 10 poodles, my old tutor will do up to 35 dogs a day at her salon! And no matter how hard I try, how much experience or qualifications I get, how much money I put into it, my health is never gong to be stable enough that I can do all of those things. I'll always have to "take it steady" or "not overdo myself" blah blah blah. Boring!
I'm proud of how much I do groom and the business I have created, but I'm the kind of person who always wants to better myself and keep going up. I don't want to be "steady" and not push myself. For instance, if you take a job at a shop as a shelf stacker, or in an office as an errand runner, you will probably want to work yourself up as you gain experience and stuff. I just feel, if anything, I'll end up working my way down as I get older and my CF gets worse. Of course, theres always the option of transplant at that point and the amazing results that can have, but of course, you have to go through the darkest, hardest time in your life to get there!
I can say all this, but I'm never going to stop pushing and trying to better my business and myself. It's just not in me to sit back and slouch through life not trying. Even as I'm typing this, I'm rebooking all the dogs I had to cancel last week due to health. CF will not have me in chains, strapped to my bed. I will fight harder because of this and try to be proud of what I can accomplish. I'll probably always want more! ;)
xo
When my health is down, my mood usually is too. I'm never really bothered about having CF most of the time; not really one of those "why me?!" type of people. I'd rather I had it than my brother or sister. During this weekend though, I felt a rare feeling of jealousy toward healthier people!
I went to my first grooming competition on Sunday. I was due to take part but had to pull out due to my health. I'm so grateful to my friend Justine who drove me all the way there and back to spectate instead. It was an amazing experience, we loved every second of it! But that evening I just felt frustrated. There were groomers there with years and years and years of experience, way more than me, and they have built an empire- one woman has 5 salons, one of my friends has 10 poodles, my old tutor will do up to 35 dogs a day at her salon! And no matter how hard I try, how much experience or qualifications I get, how much money I put into it, my health is never gong to be stable enough that I can do all of those things. I'll always have to "take it steady" or "not overdo myself" blah blah blah. Boring!
I'm proud of how much I do groom and the business I have created, but I'm the kind of person who always wants to better myself and keep going up. I don't want to be "steady" and not push myself. For instance, if you take a job at a shop as a shelf stacker, or in an office as an errand runner, you will probably want to work yourself up as you gain experience and stuff. I just feel, if anything, I'll end up working my way down as I get older and my CF gets worse. Of course, theres always the option of transplant at that point and the amazing results that can have, but of course, you have to go through the darkest, hardest time in your life to get there!
I can say all this, but I'm never going to stop pushing and trying to better my business and myself. It's just not in me to sit back and slouch through life not trying. Even as I'm typing this, I'm rebooking all the dogs I had to cancel last week due to health. CF will not have me in chains, strapped to my bed. I will fight harder because of this and try to be proud of what I can accomplish. I'll probably always want more! ;)
xo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)