Eurghhh, sick of being sick! I get so bored and there's always a million and one things I need/want to be doing but just can't. I started to get usual symptoms: loss of appetite, coughing more, sleeping more, exhaustion... So thought I'd rest up in bed for a few days and see if that healed me- it didn't. So last Friday I started some orals. I'm on day 3, so not much improvement yet.
When my health is down, my mood usually is too. I'm never really bothered about having CF most of the time; not really one of those "why me?!" type of people. I'd rather I had it than my brother or sister. During this weekend though, I felt a rare feeling of jealousy toward healthier people!
I went to my first grooming competition on Sunday. I was due to take part but had to pull out due to my health. I'm so grateful to my friend Justine who drove me all the way there and back to spectate instead. It was an amazing experience, we loved every second of it! But that evening I just felt frustrated. There were groomers there with years and years and years of experience, way more than me, and they have built an empire- one woman has 5 salons, one of my friends has 10 poodles, my old tutor will do up to 35 dogs a day at her salon! And no matter how hard I try, how much experience or qualifications I get, how much money I put into it, my health is never gong to be stable enough that I can do all of those things. I'll always have to "take it steady" or "not overdo myself" blah blah blah. Boring!
I'm proud of how much I do groom and the business I have created, but I'm the kind of person who always wants to better myself and keep going up. I don't want to be "steady" and not push myself. For instance, if you take a job at a shop as a shelf stacker, or in an office as an errand runner, you will probably want to work yourself up as you gain experience and stuff. I just feel, if anything, I'll end up working my way down as I get older and my CF gets worse. Of course, theres always the option of transplant at that point and the amazing results that can have, but of course, you have to go through the darkest, hardest time in your life to get there!
I can say all this, but I'm never going to stop pushing and trying to better my business and myself. It's just not in me to sit back and slouch through life not trying. Even as I'm typing this, I'm rebooking all the dogs I had to cancel last week due to health. CF will not have me in chains, strapped to my bed. I will fight harder because of this and try to be proud of what I can accomplish. I'll probably always want more! ;)